This posting was inspired by a friend of mine. Within the past year, I've seen her slowly decend from good to bad. Recently she was pretty damn close to getting herself arrested. She doesn't see what is wrong with her behaviour. I do.

What is the facination with mind altering substances? I completely understand how it feels and how it's a quick and easy way to escape reality, but WHY do we feel the need to escape reality?

So far this summer, the only time I've had a drink was during a trip to a friend's cabin. Even then, we didn't get intoxicated enough to pass out. I remember everything that happend and half the time I was just stumbling around and babbling for fun. Having an alcoholic substance in my hand was my excuse for acting so stupid.

During the school months, I find it hard not to be planning parties where we all get some money to buy alcohol. It's a way to ease our minds. There is SO much that is expected from me; from teachers, friends and especially family. I don't want to let them down and so I put added pressure on myself. Drinking helps me have fun for a night and forget all of that.

This past May, I had an epiphany after a night of hardcore drinking. I was the only one who wasn't drunk. Therefore I had multiple shots of rye and vodka. I ended up passing out multiple times and had to be taken care of by my friends. Luckily I was spending the night at one of those friend's houses and she was EXTREMELY nice about it. Another friend of mine was being a complete asshole about the whole thing and was about to leave me at a bus stop; alone and passed out. I vowed to change my ways. This was a MAJOR wake up call for me. I don't NEED alcohol to make friends or escape from reality. I have so much to live for and if I make stupid decisions now, it will hurt me in the future. I'm already paying for slacking off last year in school. This year I've decided to work hard and prove to myself that I CAN do well in school and I'm NOT stupid. I'm going to do what I want and no one will influence me otherwise. I am my own person and I choose my own destiny. If this decision to better my life results in my friends getting mad or hating me, I can deal with being alone. They aren't real friends anyway if they can't accept my decisions. I won't completely give up alcohol but I'm going to concentrate more on school this year. I also won't go overboard. I now know what I can handle and I won't push myself. Luckily I've started and given up smoking withing a month and a half. I'm pretty sure I won't do it again. Bad experience there as well.

Getting back to the reason I've written this post. My friend has gone through so much in the past year and a half. She tells me not to worry but I can't help it. She has been smoking for quite some time now. She says she wants to quit but has not shown any intention of slowing down or stopping. Without the will, it will never happen. She fell in love and slept with a guy who broke up with her about a week later and it was quite a messy break up. Unfortunately I was no help to the matter because I hated him and continually bad mouthed him. I thought he was a complete asshole and trying to tell her and protect her but I realised that she had already been hurt and I can't help that. She has also been smoking pot and was nearly arrested. I'm afraid that she is going to end up hooked on drugs and/or smoking and working at a fast food restaurant for the rest of her life. I'm at wits end and I know I'm not her mother but she won't listen to me. No matter how hard I try. You keep saying you'll quit but I can see it in your eyes and hear it in your voice, you're only saying that so I won't worry. You don't have the will to quit and you're going to end up dead. I just want you to know I care about you because you are a good friend of mine. You've already become distant with quite a handful of your friends, including me. Don't sever those ties completely or you'll be all alone with no one to blame but yourself.

Why does this sound like my own entry about Mahogany? Just me?

She's fallen from Grace. (no pun intended) There is nothing you can do to change her ways. Believe me, I've tried. Over and over and over again. You'll worry yourself sick and she won't appreciate it. She won't understand. So here's a suggestion... Give up on her. Tell her your opinion and move on. This might sound far to pessimistic for your liking, but I've been down this road before. And you gain nothing from it. Just give up now.

I'm sorry Liz but not everyone is like you. I don't give up on people very easily and just because Mahogany was a fucking moron doesn't mean everyone else on this planet is too.

Well, I've lost faith in alot of people. I believe I have some right to be pessimistic. And, for the record, a good majority of people on this planet ARE fucking morons. It's the selected few we should cherish. Those are the only people who see the world for what it is.

Whatever. Just because you hate my friends for some stupid reason or another doesn't mean I should hate them too. My friends aren't stupid and neither am I. I'm also assuming you consider yourself one of those "select few" who should be cherished and see the world for what it is? Meh, we all know this place is a hell hole with sparatic bursts of happiness so those "select few" aren't very special now are they?

Holy Fuck. Where did you pull out this
"you hate my friends for some stupid reason or another doesn't mean I should hate them too."
When did I say anything like that? I'm just saying, from my experience, people who have fallen from grace are not likely to pick themselves back up.

And, no. We don't 'all' realize this place is a hell hole. No. They might realize society is corrupt, but they still have faith. I don't. I don't even know why I wake up in the morning. There is no point to it. I don't make a difference. Nobody would notice if I was gone. Why don't I end it? Because, I'm not pathetic. I was only givin one life, I might as well use it. I have control, therefore I won't be a statistic. Maybe I won't go to university, get a job, and pop out a few kids. Maybe, I'll move to africa and take art courses. Maybe I'll live my life on a boat, traveling from country to country making just enough money to survive. I don't know yet. Whatever I decide.

Erm, sorry. I just went on a little bit of a rant there. You understand what I mean. I hope. No need to get all pissy at me for stating my own opinion. You need not take any of it personally, but, obviously you did. You didn't have too, but you decided too. That's fine. Be pissed off at me. Everyone else is.

Ya I really don't know what you mean but whatever, ranting doesn't have to make sense to others as long as you know what you're talking about .
I just got mad because you've stated many many times that you don't like my friends. Perhaps because this post was about a friend of mine you despise for (in my opinion) unvalid reasons, it sounded as if you were just trying to be a bitch.

Have you ever met someone, that you clashed with? Someone that, from the moment you met them, rubbed you the wrong way?

I have reasons for hating your 'friend'. You might think they are unvalid, but I think they are perfectly valid reasons.

1) She hangs out with all the people I dispise. People, that I do know, and people that I have grown to hate. Why do I hate them? They are ignorant little assholes. Why does she hang out with them? Most likely the same reason I hang out with my friends, or anybody hangs out with their friends. They have something in common. They share interests, hobbies, and common views. Brendon and Jason- Fuck I hate them. And I mean, HATE. In my opinion, they should die. Is this in any way insulting to you? It shouldn't be. Amanda likes Grace, and you don't see me saying "NO! You're not allowed to be friends with her!!" C'mon now. How shallow do you think I am?

2)When I met her, I bestowed upon her the same respect she showed me. Simple as that. We were all a little bitchy that day, and we had our own reasons. First impressions are important to me... She gave me the impression that she DID NOT want me there. So why should I act bubbly and happy towards her? No, I just can't do that. You should know this.

As for your other friends... How many have I met?... Honestly...Like 4? One, you don't talk to any more. The other, I don't know whether you talk to anymore. Madeline (I like her. She's fun to be around) and Grace. So, because I dislike, one of those people.. I hate them all? I think you might be jumping to conclusions there.

Well, if you read this, and find it hate filled.. It's not. Read it again, and make it seem sympathetic sounding. Ok? Have a good day.

In all fairness, you haven't met my other friends because you don't want to.
Why is everyone pissed off at you?

Because I'm a kill joy. Everyone is pissed off at me, because I've been having a rough time, and I'm depressed as fuck. YAY! Liz is depressing people! Now, don't ask why I'm depressed... You know why. I know you know. It's just... That's mixed in with a couple other things... My mom's putting Fergus down, Ashley might not coach JT this year, I'm pissing everybody off... Yup. I'm feeling just dandy lately. Just fan-fucking-tastic.